Dear Friend,

It was the week before christmas and I had to visit my little friend, Desmond, one more time before winter break. I didn’t want to. I had been working hard with Desmond, at school and after school at his house, and still he was way behind in math and reading. And though I like the little guy, and I think he likes me too, he’s called me “little bitch” on a few occasions, responded to my requests with a resounding “No!” and recently, has been refusing to do any of his work. So, I dreaded going to his house on this crisp winter day. I wanted to go home, put on some tea and listen to jazz. It took some real will power to put my desires aside and head over to Desmond’s house.

By the time I arrived, I’d decided that I wouldn’t even try to do any real work with Desmond, I’d just tell him I was there to hang out. Of course, he was thrilled by this news and instead of reading a book or doing math problems, we began to work with his new Lego Jet set.

Oh my goodness! There were soooo many pieces. I couldn’t imagine that Desmond would sit still and concentrate enough for us to actually build this Lego jet. And I was right, he didn’t sit still, but he was fully engaged in what we were doing. His older brother joined the fun too and even dad came over to chat with us while we worked. It was incredible to have Desmond actually listening to me and cooperating with his brother. In fact, I’m sure we accomplished more “learning” putting together that jet, than we ever did trying to do math or reading worksheets. Legos were the teacher that day!

Obviously, I hadn’t planned to build a Lego jet with Desmond that afternoon. What I originally planned was to work on his weekly spelling words. I’d like to tell you that I just knew we’d learn more and have a better time together by building with Legos than doing homework, but in truth, we played with Legos because I didn’t want to struggle with Desmond that day. It wasn’t my masterful plan that led us to that great Lego learning experience; it was my weariness with Desmond and his obstinate ways.

On my way home from Desmond’s I was thinking about all this, and my mind wandered to God and church. So many folks think that God dwells in the church and that’s where we will always find Him. And this may be true for some. But for me, my most meaningful experiences with the divine always happen outside the church walls. I experience the divine in un-orthodox places like run-down apartment buildings. I experience the divine when I’m weary and losing hope. I experience the divine by playing Legos with a difficult little kid.

On that cold winter day, those Legos reminded me that learning doesn’t always look like a classroom, that life doesn’t always look like the one I’m living, and that the presence of God doesn’t always feel like a quiet, or a worship filled sanctuary. And most importantly, I was reminded that God holds me in his hands when I’ve thrown my own hands up in frustration.

Thank God for Legos!

Peace,
MC (Till)

On a sad note…

A man walking down the street becomes verbally entangled with another man sitting in the window of his apartment building. The argument escalates and the man in the window grabs his gun and fires.

A third man, innocently on his way to the convenience store to buy his nightly lottery ticket, catches the bullet in his chest and dies, right there on the street.

I hear stories like this a lot, but usually I’m not familiar with the people in the story. This time, however, the man who died just a few blocks away was married to Mrs. Crane, who works with me at Douglass Middle School. Mrs. Crane is a wonderful woman who consistently pours out love to kids in this neighborhood. When I heard about her husband, my heart broke.

I am reminded of how I felt when my cousin died a few years ago, and again when a different cousin lost his baby to SIDS, and most of all when I found out my wife, Larita, had ovarian germ cell cancer. When good people I care about suffer, I get sad, angry and even scared. It all seems so unfair and I struggle to stay hopeful in the face of it.

Recently I have been meditating on one word…why?

Doubt and despair are a part of the beautiful struggle for those of us who remain on this earth. Hope and love are also a part although sometimes they are hard to see. I am told that when Jesus walked this earth he had all the power in the world. Yet, when despair set in, when those who loved him the most abandoned him, he did not use that power. He surrendered and was killed. For that I am thankful. I am thankful that I don’t always have to pull it together and know why (although I might find out later). I don’t always have to fix it (although it might be fixed later). For now, I can surrender and let my will rest in His peace.

Peace,
MC (Till)
Thrive

There is a problem child at the neighborhood school where I work.  This little boy is having an awful year and every day he is either in timeout or kicked out of the classroom altogether.  It makes me so sad.

Typically, my responsibility in the classroom is confined to small group interactions, but last week I was put in charge of the entire class of 20 students for a couple days.  I knew those little ones were going to test me to see what they could get away with and I knew Gerald – the problem child – would be the worst.

On my first morning in charge, I pulled Gerald aside and told him that I was going to give him a piece of candy at the end of the day.  I didn’t attach any conditions to it, I just told him it was going to happen.  He grinned at me and returned to his seat.

I don’t really know what I expected, perhaps a miracle, but in fact, Gerald’s behavior was horrible.  I was so mad and frustrated by the end of the day that what I really wanted to give him was a piece of my mind, not a piece of candy.  But, being a man of my word, I called him over, reached into my pocket, pulled out a piece of candy and put it into his dirty-deeded little hand.  I asked him if he knew why I was giving it to him.  ”Because I was good?” he wondered.  I assured him that was not the reason and explained that his behavior that day was completely unacceptable for such a smart boy.  Then I looked him in the eyes and said, “No, I’m not giving this to you because of how you behaved.  I’m giving it to you because I like you.”

I’d like to tell you that from that day on, Gerald has become the star pupil of the classroom; but we all know that isn’t true.  Gerald’s behavior isn’t that much better now than it ever was.  The only difference now is that he feels confident in our friendship.  He greets me every morning with a huge hug and a big smile.  So then, the point of this story is not how my actions changed Gerald into a well behaved, attentive student, full of self esteem and school pride. No, the point of the story is simply that Gerald is another reminder that I’m not here on this earth, or in this neighborhood or in my school, to change people.  I’m here to love people day in and day out, even when I don’t feel like it.  And right now, for Gerald, that love looks like a piece of candy with no strings attached.

Peace,

MC (Till)

Dear Friend,

I am sitting on my porch with Larita, Zoe, and a neighbor from across the street.  A convertible whips by.  From the automobile a young child raises his hand, waves frantically, and yells “Hi Mr. Hayden.”  I quickly run to the curb to wave back, but the drop-top is already down the street and around the corner.

Just a few moments later the car is back!  It is my friend, Tisha, with her sons Jason & Jamil.  You might recall this family from a newsletter a while back.  I worked with Jason every day during the school year at Douglass and would visit him at his house every week.  We developed quite a bond.

All year long I tried to intentionally create a friendship with Tisha, but it had been difficult to say the least.  She is a very young mother raising two sons.  Dad is a nice guy, but is incarcerated again; this time in a state prison.  I was thrilled to see Tisha, Jason, and Jamil on my street for once.  But, the moment soon passed.

During that moment, however, Tisha and I made a pinky swear.  She asked me if I would continue to visit Jason every week even though he moved onto second grade.  She expressed how much Jason liked my visits and how it had a positive effect on him.  I told her I would, but she would have to do something for me.  I asked her if she would commit to attending our fellowship’s Monday night dinners for one year.  She shrugged her cigarette off to the side, looked me in the eyes, and extended her pinky.  My pinky met hers with equal determination.  Consider it written in blood.

I know that I cannot change Tisha’s situation.  Like so many people on this earth she lives a hard reality and that’s probably her plight in life.  That makes me sad.  But, you know I have my plight in life too.  We all do.  I am experiencing one of the worst summers I could ever imagine.  From the beginning of June I have been watching my wife get pumped with poison (chemotherapy); poison that depletes her of energy, makes her want to throw up, and causes several other painful reactions.  All the while I’m trying to take care of Zoe, raise the remaining balance of my salary, and keep it all together.

The only reason – and I mean the ONLY reason- I have a smile on my face and hope in my heart right now is God.  I don’t mean God up there in the sky as a theological idea, but God right here dwelling in my friends, neighbors, and family.  People have pitched in this summer in the form of babysitting, cards, money, texts, phone calls, e-mails, dinners, etc…

These wonderful people doing such wonderful things for me and my family didn’t make my plight go away, but they took me away from it for a while.  That is what I hope to do for Tisha this school year.  Her hubby is not coming home soon and her life is probably not going to get any easier any time soon.  But, once a week she can get away from her life to enjoy good food and fellowship.  And maybe, if she keeps her end of our pinky swear, she will end up with some friends like mine.

Peace,

MC (Till)

PS-  Help me be a friend to Tisha this school year through prayer (simply pray for connections), encouragement (simply e-mail me a friendly word), or finances (simply click here and make a tax deductable donation today:)

PSS- My good friend, Wonder Brown, & I were in a video for a song we recorded entitled “Get Down.”  Check out the video here or past the following link in your browser.  http://youtu.be/Y6fdkwfJ0vw  Hope you enjoy.