I have always been told to pick up a penny when I see one lying around. I used to. Not anymore. Every penny does not count. Sorry penny, but you don’t even cost the amount it cost to make you. We, the united states, should end our relationship with you.

“But wait,” says the person infatuated with the penny, “every penny counts.” Not true. Let me explain. Let’s just say you found a penny every other day for a year . That’s 182.5 pennies. Now let’s say that you actually kept those pennies in a jar somewhere in your already cluttered house. And let’s go one step further and say you did that for the next 50 years. You will have 9,125 pennies. Do you know how much money that is? $91.25. That’s right. You just spent time every other day bending over and reaching underneath couches picking up dirty, dusty, moldy pennies. And after 50 years you don’t even have $100 to show for it.

“But wait,” the infatuater continues. “That’s almost $100.” Indeed. But it cost your government, the one you fund through your taxes, almost $200 to mint those little outdated creatures of half worth. Some things come and go just like they should (i.e. the chia pet, disco music, the trapper keeper, land line telephones, the flowbee, and women wearing shoulder pads…although I secretly want that last two to make a comeback).

It is time to retire the penny and find another way to honor President Lincoln.

So, keep your pennies and listen to “the little jazz mix-tape” for free!